For the past 2 days it's been really hitting us that mom "is ready". All she keeps talking about is leaving this earth to see grandma. She says things like "grandma already approved of me going to her and I'M READY". Mom has been preparing us for many years but to finally come to grips that it might happen any moment hurts like hell. Nin and Uncle Johnny came last night and I'm very happy they could be here in her final days. Nin being that she Met Jody, got married at 17 and went on to start her family life with three wonderful kids. I know this experience will take a tremendous toll on her heart. I'm trying to let everyone spend some time with mom because i've been there and I want them to make some memories with her to in her last days. But I feel like I NEED to be in there for mom but I can't be selfish with her time.

Uncle Johnny came also leaving the side of his wife to be with mom. Mom made all of us promise (tear) to take care of him because HE'S THE YOUNGEST of her family and mom promised Grandma she would take care of him now she's ready to pass the torch to us her kids.

Yesterday afternoon Angie and I picked up some freezer meals and some necessities from Tracy's house. She generously started a little freezer meal sign up that led into many people donating more than just meals. Our family is VERY grateful for everything that KINGWOOD UNDERGROUND has done for us especially for their support, prayers and mainly being my outlet to TALK when I need to talk. We are very surprised that there are still people out there who care about families going through rough times instead of turning you head.

I've been video taping mom while she has conversations with everyone she told dad to call. I just wanted everyone to know her reaction and smiles she did while talking. I think that would help many of us. Especially to see her smile.

We have a 10 o'clock appointment with the funeral home today. I must say that it breaks my heart knowing it's almost time and just having to make the arraignments while she's still here hurts even more. We know we have to be prepared for this because we know when she does pass we won't be in our right mind and know what to do.

As a family we are trying to hang in there, slowly losing the strongest link in your family SUCKS big time. We are trying to keep our heads up and we are ready when mom is.

February 19th

This morning went well. Angie massaged mom around 6am and then got ready for work. The girls woke up at 6:50am and proceeded to get ready for school. Mom wasn't feeling to well so I asked our neighbor Janice if the girls can walk with her to the bus stop. The girls kissed grandma and went next door.
Mom took her medication like she was supposed to. She started smiling at me and I asked her what are you smiling for and she said "It's a secret." I started laughing. I is nice to see her smiling. I made her some peaches and cream oat meal and she took about 3 bites. She said it was good. Then she asked me to give her OIL and Ice. Of course I laughed and told her to stop being silly so she smiled again. Her hands are starting to twitch when she rests and when she holds things. She was holding her bowl and her hand twitched quite a few times so she looked at her hands with a funny kind of face(more like what is going on). Now she is back to sleep.I miss mom talking to me. Her blood pressure is great. And I'll write more later

Yesterday
The nurse said in his papers that mom is deteriorating. Angie was upset and started to cry. I went in her room and was trying to console her. I told her she is slowly forgetting things. I explained to Angie that she has to be strong. I hurts me to see mom this way but I have to be strong for the whole family. Mom needs us now more than ever. I told her she needs to spend as much time with mom as she can. And be strong for mom. Angie said "I'm not ready to give her up yet " So I told her "me neither" but god will take her when he's ready and when he knows we are ready to let her go. We can't be selfish now. I also told her " I won't break down and cry in front of mom because I don't want mom to see how much I hurt on the inside to see her this way" So i make the best of the moments I have with her be it me watching her sleep, massaging her, giving her her medicine, helping her in general or just having what little conversation with her when she is up for a few seconds. I told Angie to do the same.
I also want everyone to think about all the good times we had with mom and the little things that she shared with you, keep that close to your hearts.

I Love You all And Mom does too.

Sorry i haven't posted since the 14th.Asiah's Party was on Saturday and everyone knows how that is preparing and everything takes days and the clean up does also.I wasn't even on the internet. So here's the 411. Mom is doing great she eats but very little. Friday we had some drama with our catholic church so mom will now be using the Baptist pastor who she met through Odyssey to help her with her religious needs. He's really nice by the way and that's all mom wanted to do just talk.

We had Asiah's party on Saturday it turned out good even though it rained all in all everyone had a great time. Mom ate some of my homemade steamed Spanish rice with a little potato and crab salad and some marinated steak and pork chop. She finished it too.:-) She stayed in the room through out the party but she had everyone visit her. Hector's mom and grandmother stayed and talked to mom in the room. Grandma Chele came and talked to mom for a while. Mom asked if her if Grandpa Chuy can come and give an estimate on the porch ...lol. Other than that, mom takes her medicine every day at 7:30 am and 7:30 pm like clockwork. She doing very good and only some times she doesn't want to take her morphine pill but i have to explain to her that if she doesn't take it she will hurt. But she eventually listens and talked it. She being more cooperative and less ANGRY.
So dad when you come don't keep asking her questions, when she wants something she can ask for it. Or if it's been awhile just go in and talk to her then ask before you leave the room if she needs anything. The nurse said don't take all the control away from her you need to let her keep some because if you do she'll start giving up and we don't want that. I've been doing just that. But i still keep my hawk eyes on her listening to her through the baby monitor. I'll help mom get up into the seated position so she can get ready to go to the restroom. When she stands up I'm still there but i won't touch her unless i see her wobble.I will follow her in the bath room and help her sit so she won't just PLOP on the toilet. I'll help her up too. I just follow her because i don't want her to feel like she can't do anything without help. I want her to feel independent still because that's how she is. It's hard for her to accept the fact that she does need help but she is asking more and I love it.....
Over all our weekend went great.