Hello All! Francine has had her hands full with Mom and I (Nadia) told her that I would put something on here to keep everyone updated. Nene got to Texas on Thursday night along with Uncle Johnny. I came in on Friday afternoon. Auntie Laling and Uncle Johnny Kennard were already there. I guess I should really start on Thursday morning...4:25 am to be exact, when Mom decided to give me a call during a moment when she felt she was herself. Dad scared the living crap out of me since he was the one who was on the other line when I answered. He said that Mom wanted to talk to me so of course I was stoked. She told me that she loved me and was proud of me and to take care of my sisters and brother. She said she was ready to go and didn't want me to worry. She told me not to go over there because she knew I had to work but just remember that she loves us all with all her heart. Of course I obliged to take care of my sibs, but I couldn't help but cry....as hard as I tried not to...I cried. I told her how much I love her and that I was selfish, so she couldn't leave us yet. Besides she had a granddaughter she has yet to meet. She eventually passed the phone off to Dad and we hung up. I couldn't help but sit there for the next hour and just cry. What the hell is life gonna be like without Mom? Sure, I don't see her everyday, but at least I can call her and visit her, right? So even though she told me not to come, I think she really wanted me there because a few hours later Dad calls me back and says "Mom said you are coming over, what time?" I told him it would be Friday.
The next day I made a few calls and jumped on the plane. When I got in, I kissed everyone on the way to Mom's room. Auntie Laling was in there keeping her company. I gave them both a kiss and a hug and told Mom I was going to change really quick. Francine, Angie, Nene and I talked for a couple minutes so they can give me an update, but Dad came into the room to inform me that Mom was upset that I didn't come and greet her. I already knew that she was forgetting things from the last time I was there. I headed back to the room and reminded her that I was just in there, but I decided to just sit and hold her hand instead of changing. She had developed a little twitch since I was there a week ago. She was content until she blurted out "F*c%, F*c%, F*c%, I hate that f*c%ing word. Auntie Laling and I were like "What?" Nobody had even said anything so we just let her know that and started talking again. Friday night the five of us got together and just hung out in Mom and Dad's room. Mom had fallen asleep and France was trying to wake her up to take her medicine. It took a few minutes but Mom got up. It's so weird but you can tell when Mom is "there" totally by her eyes. Don't know how to explain it, but it's true.
Saturday morning the five of us had an appointment at Kingwood Funeral Home at 9:00 am. Angie and Dad had already been there previously but didn't want to make any final decisions until we kids agreed. The five of us kids stayed there for about 3 hours finalizing the details. Even though you wouldn't think so, there was a lot of crying and laughing. Looking at different things and picturing what Mom would say. I know some people might be upset that we are doing this before she has actually left us, but in all honesty I'm glad we did this now so that we have clearer minds. Who knows if we would be able to do this when she passes.
Sunday was a crazy day. Mom has developed sleep apnea. She would take huge gasps of air every couple minutes or so. I'm already in the "Mommy" mode so I would check on her every time she gasped it seemed. Dad slept on the couch so Nin and I could share the bed. It was about 3:15am and she started professing her love for my Dad. Mom isn't very loud anymore so I was amazed to see Dad rush in when she said his name. She asked him to lay down with her so he squeezed on to her bed until she fell back to sleep. The whole family is exhausted but is still able to be on high alert. Later, we had a house load of people. Auntie Laling, Uncle Danny, Uncle Tony, Uncle Johnny, Auntie Carmen, all of us and visitors throughout the day. We passed the day taking turns hanging out with Mom and RSVPing the computer. The Uncles headed to the store many times it seems. If you ask them, it was because of me. Cake Cones anybody?? Hey the pregnant lady wanted an ice cream cone. Auntie Laling made sure everyone was well fed. We broke out the playing cards and started gambling. Auntie taught us a game called "Cheat your neighbor" which had us all laughing and taking her money! hehehe Mom taught us well.
It was medicine time again and the 4 of us girls went in to help Mom. Francine tried to wake her and again it took some time. I mouthed to Angie to say "F*c%" being how it caused an instant reaction out of her previously. So she told me to shut the "F" up and sure enough, Mom got up and proceeded to tell her off. Thanks for taking one for the team Ang. I told Francine to keep that in her arsenal to help her out whenever she needed it. We randomly decided to start singing songs and Mom even joined in a couple times. France brought in a boom box and played her Chamorro CD's. I took Mom's hand and started doing the ChaCha. It was all good until she vomited. Three times she did it!! She doesn't do well when she is moved too much.
It's Monday and Mom has yet to eat anything besides a bite of banana, a half spoon of ice cream and a couple spoons of adobo and rice since I've been here. To add more worry, where the heck is the nurse? It's 2:00 pm and still no show. I called him up and it turns out that he got really sick and was in the hospital trying to be seen. He had another nurse named Elaine come by the house. Elaine got her vitals and checked the logs that Dad and France keep for her medicine. She asked about her bathroom habits and was a bit worried that Mom hasn't had a BM in days. She said that pain meds usually make patients constipated so they were going to give her something for it. She asked us to have a seat at the table so she could talk to us. Her blood pressure was actually in the normal range which isn't necessarily good considering that she has high blood pressure and she isn't taking meds for it anymore. Elaine pretty much broke the news to us that Mom is declining much faster than anticipated. She is showing all the symptoms of her body shutting down. The twitch that seemed very slight when I arrived on Friday was literally turning into a jerk. Francine told her that she was having a very hard time getting the meds down Mom's throat. She's scared that she will eventually choke on them and she is starting to throw them back up. Elaine seemed compelled to inform us that Mom probably had "days" and not weeks considering how fast she was declining. WTF???? I know she was just trying to prepare us, but WTF??? They decided to have a continuous nurse come to the house to help out. They also started her on an oxygen machine, to hopefully help her sleep and to circulate through her body. The tips of her hands are turning dark and she is so pale.
I headed back to Cali today. Before I left, I went to see my Mom and tell her how much I loved her. I told her not to go anywhere because I'll be right back. She looked at me and said "I'm not going anywhere." The selfish Nadia tried to make her promise me, but she wouldn't. Dad came into the room and told me to make sure I give her a hug like I would never give her a hug again. He was crying. It kills me to see my Mom like this, but it breaks my heart to see my Dad in agony. I have seen this man cry two times in my life. Once at my grandma Marcela's funeral and only very brief and once when the doctor in Guam came out to tell us that Mom was terminal. I have now seen my Dad cry nearly everyday I have been in Texas this month. This has been the most trying experience in our lives. We are all so frustrated and angry and want someone or something to take responsibility for this, yet we know it's no body's fault. I know we aren't the only one's going through this but right now it really does feel like it.
I'm going to sign off for now. This blog is pretty darn long already. Francine will probably start posting again tomorrow. Before I go, I just want to tell everyone, friends and family, "Thank you" for all the support you are giving us. It really is helping us through this rough time.
